Relationships are so tricky! Been in so many. In fact your life is based on relationships, I don’t just mean the love interests in your life.
Every relationship comes with it’s own set of expectations, acceptances, arguments, differences, agreements and conditions.
No matter what the relationship is, it is commanded by these. Lets start from your first bond. Your parents, well you have to live up to their expectations. Let’s face it, they do have conditions applied status on us. You do well in school, you behave properly, you respect elders, you dont go crazy etc etc. The list actually is endless. It’s your basic understanding and setting expectations for the rest of your life.
You have to do as told so your parents are proud of you, who live to show off their kids? Parents continously look for something great to show off in their kids, a skill, a talent, their scores or something, anything. It doesnt end there, you go to college, you are expected to choose wisely, subjects and stream that will benefit you later. Help you make money basically, not necessarily the thing you love to do. It has to be lucrative.
You start working and god forbid you move away from parents (it is a big deal in India) you have to make that daily morning afternoon phone calls to update them. If not be prepared for a guilt trip. Get married, but it is expected and only natural for them to decide who shall be YOUR life partner. You get married you are expected to have a baby soon. Have one, have another one, cause the first one needs company. Really? There aren’t enough kids in the world already. PHEW!!!!
And then you become your parents because that’s all you know to do.
Friends! The family that is not blood related, now this is one relationship that sometimes I feel is over rated but then again it does play a major part in your life. Again this is not a simple relationship either. The expectations are immense, and they are seriously no different from what your parents have with you, this is a only with a small tweak. You can drink, smoke, do weed etc with them and it’s cool. Your parents on the other side might flip and die.
Friendship really is about never saying NO. You have to just be a part of each others life completely . We disengage a little once we start a family of our own and responsibilities feel like walls closing in on you. But your formative years are all about being together all the time. It definitely feels like the most important bond you share. Again only till you have an affair or get married. Which ever sequence you prefer.
Now comes the BIG relationship that we read read and read about, but still know nothing about. The one that makes you feel the world is so beautiful, when you hum all day long and when you smile for no reason.
But man this is the most taxing relationship of all, thankfully not toxic, then you should get out of it. However, this relationship takes expectations to another level itself. And that’s just how it is. Suddenly everything is about the person who we love and clearly it is expected for them to feel and behave the same way. It is expected for both individuals to feel the same way, have same goals and be ready for next level at the same time. Clearly waiting is for loosers.
The do something nice for me, say something nice to me, send me a nice goodnight message, wake up with a good morning messgae, bring me flowers, cook me dinner and the list is endless. And yes it is easy to say people are together without these expectations as well, but it’s not true. Without these, the result is breakup.
Anyways you cross these hurdles and get married, wow! Congratulations! You think finally we are there. But nope, new and more complicated expectations and arguments and of course there are your sweet nothing moments as well. But we all know between the two what is more.
And between all this madness and maintaining the chi of your life, you’ve just put everything else that mattered to you on the back burner. So many of us give up on hobbies, dreams, aspirations and desires because we made our relationships priority right from the start to the end. You put yourself away to make time to make others happy.
And when that is happening, how is it good for us? Why do we have such unrealistic relationship goals and relationships? Why can’t we live without them. Why do we get lonely when we are doing what we like?
Is it the society and the mindset convincing us that we are not complete without the array of relationships? I dont have answers and maybe someday I will. That day is marked for another blog but today just how RELATIONSHIP GOALS are actually the only priority of our life.